No Heroics: The Hebrew
by A Northern Irish man
Summary: based on the ITV2 show "No Heroics" Based 13 months after the end of the series. While the old gang settle back into their routine of boredom a new cape comes into town.


It was pouring outside when the doors to the Fortress swung open. Stood in the doorway was a man with a fedora hat and a pea coat, he was soaking wet. The doors closed and he removed his hat. Norse Dave dropped his jaw and stood in shock, everyone else simply looked at him blankly. He removed his coat and hung it up and continued to stand there, he wasn't too old, early twenties at best. Under the coat his wore an un-tucked blue shirt, a red tie and a black waistcoat. He wore skinny black jeans with tatty white canvas. He stood awkwardly and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. Soon everyone continued their business and took no further notice, though Dave was still in awe. The man walked up towards the bar to Dave.

"My god! You're here. That's just insane." Exclaimed Dave. People looked at Dave strangely.

"Its good to see you too." Laughed the man.

"I got call Rampart."

"Don't. I **just** got back. I wanna get settled first." He objected. Devlin heard from across the room that this mystery man was a friend of Rampart. They came up and stood next to him.

"So what's your cape name? Super hipster?" Devlin asked as she sized him up. "Let me guess. Is you power to be a super loser?" The man turned to him and started to click his fingers like he was trying to remember something.

"Eh, umm, what's your name." he continued to think for a moment. "Devlin. Devlin Wright, right? How's your dad, still neglecting you?" Devlin's went red.

"Oh, I see. Time travel, mind reading?"

"No, no. Nothing cool like that." He paused and thought for a second. "I know. Lets play a game of copycat, I'll do something and we copy, you do something I copy, simple as. If you win me I'll tell you my power and I'll buy a round for the whole pub but if I win I'll still tell you my power and you have to buy three rounds for everyone. Deal?"

"Sure." Devlin accepted his ego compelled him.

"Great" he turned back to Dave. Hey Dave you wouldn't happen to have a knife by any chance." Dave grinned and revealed an extremely sharp kitchen knife. "And a tea towel." They placed down the tea towel and the man held the knife. "A game of 5 finger fillet?" Devlin laughed at the ridiculous challenge, with his super speed he'd be able to beat him. "Don't forgot, you have to copy me." Devlin nodded and continued to laugh. The man took a deep breath. "Right here we go." The man then proceeded to stab himself in the hand repeatedly violently and repeatedly. Blood ran out of the hand and went everywhere. Norse Dave was in stitches. He stopped and wrapped the towel around the blood soaked hand. Devlin just stared at the puddle of blood and went pale. After a few moments he removed the towel and showed it was fully recovered. He set the knife down on the bar. "Right your turn." Devlin didn't say anything at first. Norse Dave was still giggling.

"You're fucking insane." Devlin said in a very shaky voice. The man nodded and stood on top of a stool so everyone could see.

"Hey everyone. Devlin here has just agreed to buy everyone the next three rounds" everyone cheered and raised their glasses. The man stepped down and faced Devlin. "By the way, its immortality. Pretty rare, I think I'm one out of five on the planet. Oh yes two more things. I'll have a Logan's Rum. And I'm Isaac, nice to meet you." Devlin stormed off.

"I miss that old trick. It truly is an honour to have you back." Said Dave as he poured Isaac's drink.

"So did I miss you anything?" Isaac jokingly asked knowing the answer would be yes.

"You wouldn't believe. They raised sidekick tax by 10% back in 07. There was a massive cape rape case involving Deep Fist and Scope-man back in 09. And the worst part there is some fucking Anti-cape league going around bashing capes, their fucking Nazi's."

"That is certainly a lot I missed."

"Well would you expect. You've been gone for almost half a decade."

"But I saved the day and I'm back." Isaac raised his glass.

The night went by and the old gang sat in their booth. Alex had only been back from America for a month and he was already pissing off Sarah. While they bickered Don and Jenny sat and discussed mature matters. Don became a cape again and he was already making a name for himself as the most aggressive cape in the United Kingdom. Jenny was still single and still trying to get a job so help her seem like a normal member of society.

"Alex can you stop talking about the fucking united capes of America. The only reason you got hired was because you were the fucking idiotic one of the team." Sarah frustratingly said.

"No actually, I was the comic relief, the funny guy, which is a completely different job than being the dumb one. And at least over there I was good at what I did."

"Well I wish you stayed over there."

"Sarah!" Jenny exclaimed. "I think it's lovely to have Alex back. We all missed you, right Don?"

"Hmm" Don said as he snapped from his daydream. "Oh yes, really good."

"I think we should all have a drink to celebrate Alex's return."

"Great thanks for offering. I'll have Gin City."

"V for Vodka."

"Bottled Beast please."

Jenny went over the bar and asked for a round of drink Dave explained Devlin was playing. Isaac was standing next having a quiet drink when he looked over at her and was instantly mesmerised. He stared at her with a sparkle in his eye. Jenny looked at him and smiled. He removed his hat.

"Hi" he said shyly.

"Hi"

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Thanks but am I not too old for." Norse Dave sniggered in the background. Jenny gave him an odd look.

"Not at all."

"Well, its just you're a sidekick and your probably not even 25. I'm in my 30's."

"I'm not a sidekick. See, well physically I'm 22 but spiritually I'm," he paused and counted with his fingers. "Well put it this way, I fought in World War Two and Norse Dave here was my sidekick for a while."

"Oh."

"I'm immortal. Isaac." He extended his hand.

"Jenny." She extended her hand to shake his but he took her hand. She pulled away embarrassed.

"Christ Isaac. You always were a romantic." Dave said while he cleaned glasses.

"Isaac, that's a interesting name."

"Its Hebrew." He shrugged. "So what about that drink."

"Well Devlin is paying for everyone's drink. You can come and sit with me and my friends if you like."

"I'd like that very much." Jenny led him towards the other. Isaac quickly turned back to Dave and winked. Jenny sat down and Isaac pulled up a chair.

"Who is this?" Alex requested.

"Isaac. Isaac Sweeney." He replied and shook his hand. He looked at Don. "Don man, it's been too long." Don smiled and they did a secret handshake.

"Wait. How do you know Don?" Asked Alex getting increasing confused.

"We used to be _Crime__Fight__Duo_." Don explained.

"They use to call us the _Merchants__of__Death._" Both Isaac and Don chuckled. Isaac finally got to Sarah and started clicking his fingers, he was trying to remember her name and Sarah was getting freaked out. "Sarah Turnbull, Rampart's daughter."

"Yeah, and how the fuck do you know that." Sarah annoyingly asked.

"You don't remember me. It has been like 23 years."

"What?" asked Alex.

"You were like 6. The Hebrew. You kept asking me if I was circumcised."

"What the fuck." Sarah said her jaw was left wide open. "You're the exact same."

"Yeah, immortality will do that do to you."

"So Isaac. Why haven't you been around here before?" Asked Jenny trying to detract attention away from Sarah.

"Well I've been away for a while."

"What. You've been on holiday." Asked Alex smarmily. He didn't like that Isaac was getting the attention.

"Sort of, I would call it a holiday."

"Spain? America? Germany? Lego land?" Guessed Jenny.

"The Moon." Isaac answered as he took a sip of his drink.


End file.
